Picture Perfect
by DancingPhalangess
Summary: Rachel's mask of confidence has hidden her for as long as she can remember, but words cut deeper than anyone realises and the mask is quickly crumbling. One shot.


**This is going to be a two parter which started with a speech made in my dream, and developed into this as I wrote. **

The point of the pen came down so hard onto the picture that it stabbed a hole straight through the plastic wallet the photo was concealed in, denting the shoulder of the figure posing within it, and the book was slammed shut, narrowly missing four pale fingers, the colour through exhaustion gone even from those. Both album and pen went crashing down onto the floor below, the book creating a dull thud as it hit the wood underneath the carpet which muffled the sound to those downstairs.

For a few drawn out moments, there was only silence. Then, quiet sobs began in the semi-darkness of the room bathed in just the light of one single candle resting on the night stand. The broken cries of someone whose anger had been drained away and the barely there noise of a person who had long since given up on being heard.

…

The corridor was bursting with noise and students as Rachel made her way down it, being sure to keep her head high, a necessity that came with being so small. She made no eye contact with anyone as she passed them, but looked ahead, a small smile dancing at the corners of her mouth, an almost permanent fixture around school, and something she had come to use to survive the taunts thrown at her from every direction.

They seemed to pass right over her head as she walked, not one insult making Rachel turn her head or flinch. Until a wave of ice smashed into her face, drenching her and staining her clothes. But it was not that which bothered her. She could deal with the cold, the change of clothes, the wash. It was the humiliation, the raucous laugher of the students surrounding that made her want to bolt. It rang in her ears, echoing through the walls and bouncing back of, thousands of times louder.

_Click. _Loser.

Ten minutes later, in a change of clothes and a fresh smile, Rachel sat in her desk in Spanish class. As usual, she was a little early, and few students had turned up. Mr Schue was there, stood at his desk in the front of the classroom, sorting through last week's papers that were due back to them that lesson and waiting for the rest of his class to begin teaching. On some occasions, Rachel would take the chance to bring something up she had been meaning to discuss with him about Glee Club, even if just to avoid the whispered taunts as people passed by her desk, but that day, nothing came to mind.

After a few more minutes, enough people had shuffled to their desks for Mr Schue to declare the start of the lesson, talking over chattering voices for some moments before silence fell.

"I've marked your papers from last week guys, and almost all of you did very well. There are only a few who I would like to redo the paper and give it into me Monday morning. If those that includes need any extra help, they can come to me any lunch time this week."

As he spoke, Rachel felt a rush of appreciation towards her teacher. He always had a way of making you feel as if you were important or intelligent, even if you hadn't done so well. Mr Schue just wasn't the sort to call you out on a bad grade and demand reasons, he'd quietly hand back your work and let you do whatever needed to be done to improve.

Rachel's paper was flung onto the desk in front of her as Mr Schue passed, and she looked down at it, hoping it was going to cheer her up. Her heart sank at the large red marker pen scrawl across the top of her paper. B-. Not the worst grade in the world, not even low enough so that she had to redo it, but below the grade, in smaller biro writing, Mr Schue had left the comment "Not your best work."

_Click. _Failure.

The corridor seemed busier than ever as Rachel pushed through it, heading towards her locker to gather her things for her afternoon lesson. She was desperate for the day to end so she could go home, but she still had English and Glee Club to sit through. Not that Glee was much of a chore, it may even lift her mood. Being around her friends and doing the one thing that made her feel good about herself was sure to help shift the bad feeling of the day.

A small smile even crept up at the thought of the after school meeting, Rachel approached her locker, too distracted to instantly notice the poster. She realised it was there only when she reached for the door and her fingers brushed against it, the sharp edge of the paper almost cutting her. With a quiet gasp, Rachel instinctively pulled her hand away and blinked to focus her eyes, taking a proper look at what was taped to the front of her locker.

It was a drawing. One, she assumed, of her. It was not a work of art, nothing but a stick figure, small and bunched up in the centre of the page, but the face was obliterated by something long spouting from it, reaching past her feet. Below the drawing, the illustrator had written: "Your nose is bigger than you are, hobbit."

_Click. _Unpretty.

Not with her usual excitement, Rachel took her seat in the after school Glee meeting, but by looking, no one would guess she didn't feel the same content happiness as the hour after school usually brought. They'd look once, see her smile, her head high and confident and not keep their eyes there long enough to see it waver, or her head bow by the tiniest fraction.

The meeting was about to start, and for once, Rachel was not the first to get there. The others were already sat in their places, Mr Schue at the front of the room, leaning against the piano and holding some sheet music in one hand. The Nationals solo. She had almost forgotten that today would be the day they would find out whose original song was to be sung.

Mr Schue smiled his usual smile as Rachel slid into her chair, his gaze flickering over each one of his students. "You all did brilliantly in your song writing, a major improvement on many attempts for Regionals and I only wish we could sing them all, but we all know there can only be one solo, and this time, it's my decision that Mercedes should do the honours."

The room exploded into applause, and Mercedes looked shocked, then delighted. Rachel smiled at the expression on her face, for once not minding that she hadn't got the solo. She had sung it at Regionals, and her song had been a hit with the rest of Glee and the judges and she could think of no one more deserving of her chance in the spotlight that Mercedes Jones.

As the noise died down, Rachel turned away from Mercedes and back to the front of the room, the first real smile she had worn all day fading from her lips.

"Mr Schuster," Rachel announced, her words greeted by a series of muttering from the others. "I'd just like to say-" But before she could finish her sentence, she was cut off by the sound of the sheet music being slammed onto the piano.

"No Rachel, I don't want to hear it!" Snapped Mr Schue, much to her shock. "My decision is final, I've told you this before, it's high time you realised you're not the only one in this club and let everyone else have a chance too. I thought you were beginning to see that."

"Oh please Mr Schue," piped up Santana. "As if she's ever going to realise other people exist who aren't her. Her talent is so above the rest of ours that we don't matter. She thinks she's so much better than the rest of us when really she's just-"

It was Santana's turn to be cut off as Rachel jumped to her feet. Tears were already leaking down her cheeks, tracks running all the way down her face where more were to settle. "Stop it!" She yelled much louder than she had meant to, causing every head to turn towards her, gawking at her in surprise. She'd usually sit and accept whatever Santana or anyone else had to say, and none of them had ever heard her yell in that way.

"I know what I am! I know I'm not pretty like you or Quinn, I know I have a horrible personality that none of you like, I know you only put up with me because of my voice and I know I should have had that nose job. If you use one of those few brain cells of yours to actually think about it, you'll find the only thing I ever have anything positive to say about myself on is my voice, so _please _just stop reminding me that everything else about me is wrong because I know, okay? _I know." _

Afterwards, her hands were shaking and the tears were pouring thick and fast down her face, breaking her voice on the last word and just as it had done the night before, Rachel's anger evaporated, dissolving into despair as she turned away from the shocked stare of Santana and the rest of the Glee Club, heading quickly towards the door without even gathering her things.

Just before the exit, she stopped, turning towards Mr Schue and the still stunned silence of the others. "And I was actually about to tell you I thought you'd made the perfect decision," she said, calmly, no trace of the anger she had just unleashed. Without another glance at any of them, Rachel rushed from the room, leaving behind her one change at believing she was good for something.

"Well," Kurt's voice came from the back of the room, sounding just as shocked as the rest of them felt. "I think it's safe to say none of us saw that one coming."

…

Finn knocked hesitantly on the front door to Rachel's house, a part of him worried that she would open it and slam it in his face again. He drummed his fingers nervously against the sides of his legs as he waited, wondering if he should knock again, or if it was too soon and he'd look impatient. He remembered in the past when he had gone to Rachel's house, he'd sometimes just walk in if she was expecting him, not even bothering to announce himself.

Doing that now would feel strange, almost creepy as if he were breaking into her house to rob it, but it had been several minutes and still no one had answered, so Finn tried his luck with the door handle, pushing it down experimentally, and to his surprise, it gave easily and the door swung open to invite him in. Still, Finn hesitated. He didn't know how she would react now if he just walked into her house. She hadn't answered the door for a reason.

But then he remembered the way she had talked about herself and the tears that had poured down her face, the way she had rushed out of the room as if she couldn't stand to be with them a moment longer, and what she had said to Mr Schue as she left. Even before that, he had thought their teacher was being a little harsh, but he hadn't said anything knowing it would only earn him a row from Quinn. But he owed it to her now to see her and make sure she was all right.

"Rachel?" Finn called out as he stepped inside her house, but was greeted by only silence. Feeling like an intruder, he clicked the door shut behind him and slowly made his way through her house, checking in the lounge and kitchen as he passed them, but found them empty. He called for her again, but still got no reply as he began to climb the stairs.

Now he really felt as if he were intruding, but it wasn't like Rachel to go out and leave the door unlocked, especially since her dads weren't in, and he felt sure she was in the house somewhere, she was just choosing to ignore him. Or perhaps she had her i-pod in and couldn't hear him.

Finn knocked lightly on Rachel's bedroom door, calling out once again and waited for her to reply. Even if she was listening to music, she should hear him right outside her bedroom door, but there was still only his own voice to fill the walls of her home, so reluctantly, feeling like a creep, Finn pushed open her bedroom door, gazing around the room for his ex.

It didn't take him long to spot her, curled on her side on her bed, on top of the duvet and fully clothed, but asleep. Even from that distance, Finn could see her eyes were rimmed red from her obvious crying, but she seemed to sleep peacefully, his noise had not stirred her. For several awkward moments, Finn stood watching her, knowing he should leave but feeling a pull to stay.

Rachel began to stir in her sleep, a frown worked its way across her features, the discomfort clear in her face as she shifted position, curling into a tighter ball and her fingers clenched into a fist. Finn wanted to wake her, but was fairly sure she wouldn't react well to having him there. Instead, he reached out his hand, placing it on top of her fist and squeezing it gently. For a moment, there was no difference, and then she seemed to relax, the frown left her face and her body became less tense, her fist uncurling, slowly.

Satisfied that she would be okay, at least for a few more hours and realising how creepy it was that he was had broken into her house uninvited and was now stood over Rachel's bed, watching her sleep, Finn reluctantly turned to leave, promising himself he would come back later when she was awake and talk to her. But something caught his eye as he turned around. A large, thick book was on the bed with her, open and face down.

Curiously, Finn picked it up, realising it was a photo album. He smiled at the page it was open on, a picture of Rachel with Kurt and Mercedes, all of them miming throwing slushies at the camera. All three of them were smiling, widely, with a closer look, Finn could see that it didn't quite reach Rachel's eyes as much as it did with the other two.

He carefully flicked over the page, making a mental note of the photo so he could turn back to it when he replace the album. On the next page however, all thoughts of being careful to leave no trace of him having been there left his mind and instead he stared at the collection of photos, one figure obliterated from them all with a scrawl of marker pen.

In some, he could see Rachel had been posing, photos most likely taken by her dads on family holidays or day trips, they were in others, standing either side of their daughter, their smiles matching hers. Other photos were of her with various members of the Glee Club, some taken naturally, and others with them grinning or pulling faces at the camera. But in each one, Rachel's own figure was almost completely blotted out by scrawled words, one fault in each photo.

The words and phrases 'big Jewish nose', 'hobbit', 'lank hair' jumped out at Finn, the letters large and taunting. They were all like it, every photo had something wrong, something that Rachel saw when she looked at herself. On the next page was another of her alone, smiling for the camera, and in the background, waves of turquoise sea, and across her smile, blanking out the rest of her face, Rachel had written the world 'liar'.

Finn didn't want to look at anymore, he wanted to throw the book away from him and blot it all from his mind, but something made him keep going, forcing him to look at every last photo, even one of the two of them together, back when they had been dating and gone into a photo booth. In that one, Rachel was pulling a face, her tongue out and eyes crossed and Finn almost smiled until he saw the words 'not enough' that covered the picture. Then, on the last page, taking up one large plastic wallet by itself was a photo of all of the Glee Club, posing after Sectionals with their trophy, grinning at their recently found victory, and underneath, "They all just pretend to like you."

All at once, Finn felt a surge of both anger and nausea as he remembered that moment in the dressing room when he and Rachel had been fighting. "We all just pretend to like you" Santana had said to her. It had been Puck, and not him who had contradicted her. He was the only one who had ever really stuck up for Rachel against anyone.

It was not just Santana he was mad at, but the rest of the school, anyone who had ever shouted after her, slushied her, called her names. He was mad at Quinn for continuing to taunt Rachel even though she knew what it was like, but most of all he was mad at himself. He never stuck up for her, caring more about saving face than how people's words may have been making her feel. Even if he had never directly been the one to insult her, he had never made her feel like enough. The picture of the two of them proved that.

Forcing back the urge to wake a still sleeping Rachel and shake some sense into her, Finn rubbed his thumb along one of the pictures, and to his relief, the writing came away with some force. As quietly as he could, Finn sat down with the album, determined that he was going to make Rachel see what he did.

…

Rachel's eyes shot open and she sat bolt upright in bed, sure that someone was in her room. She blinked at the darkness that surrounded her, having not expected it. With a slightly shaking hand, she reached over and switched on her bedside lamp, scanning the room quickly, expecting to see a looming figure standing beside her bed, knife or axe in hand, but the was no one there.

With a heavy sigh, Rachel ran a hand through her hair, her gaze settling on the clock beside her bed. 2.23. She'd slept all evening and half the night, but now, she was wide awake. She swung her legs over the edge of the bed and got slowly to her feet, padding silently across the room. She pushed open her bedroom door to more darkness and couldn't help feeling a prickle of fear as she stepped out onto the black landing.

There was something eerie about seeing her own house in darkness, creeping through the rooms and knowing she was alone, but still half expecting someone to leap out at her at any moment or creep silently from the shadows, sneaking behind her, unknown. Out of habit, Rachel even avoided the seventh step with a creak as she made her way down the stairs, although she knew her dads wouldn't be home, if she didn't make a noise, the murderer wouldn't come out.

The kitchen seemed even stranger bathed in darkness. She'd only ever been down there when it was light, having usually left a glass of water by her bedside in case she woke up in the night thirsty, but she had fallen asleep without meaning to and the water had been forgotten. Rachel's fingers felt along the wall for the switch, flicking it on and squinting as the sudden light stung her eyes.

With a yawn, Rachel crossed the kitchen to the kettle, filling it with water before clicking it onto boil. Now that she was awake, she thought she may as well start on her homework due in later that day. She was clearly getting no more rest that night, having slept the evening away. She wondered around the kitchen as she waited for the kettle, catching sight of her own reflection in the oven door. She quickly turned away, before she could see the faults.

Steam began to rise from the spout of the kettle as the water bubbled, and Rachel had a sudden urge to put her hand over it, feel her skin burn with the heat of the steam. Then, at least, she would have an excuse for the disfigurement and the pain would be a punishment. Something to remind herself never to be so pathetic and lose it like she had done in Glee Club. Her hand twitched, almost with a life of its own, it inched towards the rising steam, and then hovered above it, the heat catching the exposed skin of her hand.

A sudden click snapped Rachel back to her senses, and she jerked her hand away from the cloud of steam, her heart thudding in her chest. Whether that was from the shock of the sound, or the fear of herself, Rachel didn't know.

…

A shriek erupted from Rachel's throat when someone tackled her from behind and she spun quickly on her heel to face Kurt, who smiled innocently at her, as if he had done no more than tap her on the shoulder. "Morning princess," he chirped. "I've been assigned to bullying you into the choir room for right about this time, so let's get going shall we?"

Rachel blinked at him, recovering from her surprise after a few moments enough to shake her head, furiously. "Absolutely not. I'm not coming back to Glee Kurt, I can't." She swallowed back the lump in her throat and pressed her lips together to stop the sob escaping as she spoke the words she had been dreading since she walked out the previous day. Leaving Glee was the last thing on earth she wanted to do, but going back was even less of an option.

Kurt hardly batted an eyelid. "Well we predicted you might say that, so luckily for us, and unfortunately for you, we also enlisted in the help of one Noah Puckerman." Kurt stepped back just as Puck strode forwards and without wasting time with words, took Rachel around the waist and slung her over his shoulder.

"Put me down Puckerman!" Shrieked Rachel as Puck carried her through the halls, earning them many stares from other students, some actually stopping in their tracks to watch as Rachel continued to shout at Puck, who acted as if he could not even hear her, holding his other arm over her legs as she began to thrash, trapping her down.

Puck carried her all the way to the choir room, putting her down on a chair in the front row. Immediately, she leapt to her feet, but he pushed her carefully back into the chair, his hands staying on her shoulders so she couldn't move again.

"All you have to do is sit there for about three minutes. Even someone as stubborn as you can cave on this one thing," he more demanded than asked, taking his hands away as soon as he had spoken as if he fully expected her to stay put, and to Rachel's own surprise, she did, but not without shooting a glare at both Puck and Kurt.

Despite her annoyance, Rachel couldn't help the grin that flickered briefly across her face as the rest of the Glee Club assembled in front of her. A smile that soon faded as she realised it was going to be the last time they were altogether like that and she felt a pang of regret towards what she had to do. Feeling a weight drop into her heart, Rachel watched her friends, knowing she was going to miss them, even if they weren't going to miss her.

She jumped in surprise when Brad began on his piano, having not even realised he was there. That man really was just always around. Rachel gave another small smile when Mercedes took the microphone. She'd always liked her voice, sometimes, although she'd never admit it, she even preferred it to her own.

_Thank you for coming home  
>I'm sorry that the chairs are all worn<br>I left them here I could have sworn  
>These are my salad days<br>Slowly being eaten away  
>Just another play for today. <em>

Rachel frowned in confusion. She had not known what to expect, but this hardly made any sense. 

_Oh but I'm proud of you, but I'm proud of you  
>There's nothing left to make me feel small<br>Luck has left me standing so tall _

Then the rest of the Glee Club joined in with the next lyrics and a grin finally broke out on Rachel's face as she understood.

_Gold  
>Always believe in your soul<br>You've got the power to know  
>You're indestructible<br>Always believe in, because you are  
>Gold <em>

Puck and Kurt came away from the crowd at the word 'gold', both taking one of Rachel's hands and pulling her from her seat to join them, and Puck spun her around neatly, singing the next part alone.

_After the rush has gone  
>I hope you find a little more time<br>Remember we were partners in crime _

Rachel smiled again, recognising the reference to the time they had dated, over a year ago, both only in the relationship to make another person jealous. It had ended quickly, but since then Puck had acted differently towards her. As if he liked her. 

_It's only two years ago  
>The man with the suit and the pace<br>You know that he was there on the case  
>Now he's in love with you, he's in love with you<br>Love is like a high prison wall  
>But you could leave me standing so tall <em> 

Finn sung at her, much to Rachel's surprise, and by the thunderous look on Quinn's face, she hadn't been expecting it either. Then, the arms of everyone, even Quinn, pointed towards Rachel, as all of them together joined in to sing the final part of the song.

_Gold  
>Always believe in your soul<br>You've got the power to know  
>You're indestructible<br>Always believe in, because you are  
>Gold <em> 

Rachel suddenly felt herself being engulfed in a hug as Mercedes came forwards, and rather than push her away and leave, as she had promised herself she would do once the song ended, Rachel sunk into it, her need of it stronger than her will to escape. She returned the hug, suddenly near tears. After a long while, the two girls pulled away, and Rachel was surprise to see she wasn't the only one crying.

"Stay. We need you, and not for your voice, there's always me to fill in for that." Rachel laughed through her tears, her hand stretching out slowly to tap Mercedes on the shoulder in a mocking punch.

"You wish," she retaliated, with a shaky smile.

Both girls laughed again, falling into another hug, and in the next moment being crushed as the rest of the Glee Club joined in, several people falling and bringing others down with them in a laughing heap.

…

It was with a much lighter heart that Rachel unlocked her front door that evening, having been persuaded to stay late for a Glee meeting. She still couldn't quite believe what the rest of them all seemed to see in her, things didn't change that quickly, but a part of her wondered if she one day could. Being with them made her feel so much more than she actually was, even when she wasn't on stage, performing.

A small smile still danced across her face as Rachel climbed the stairs to her room, feeling as though she could sleep for days. Being up at two thirty in the morning didn't come without its effects, and she never had managed to get back to sleep.

Rachel flung her bag onto her bed, realising with a wave of dread that she had work to do before she could sleep. She groaned and flopped down on the bed beside her bag, just about to lie down on her back when she noticed the album lying half way under her bed. She frowned, gently and bent over to pick it up. She'd left it on the bed when she had fallen asleep and entirely forgotten about it when she woke. It must have fallen off.

Cautiously, as if she were expecting The Monster Book Of Monsters, Rachel eased open the album, staring down at the mess she had made of the photos. Or the mess she thought she had made. Her mouth fell open as she flicked through the album, her awe growing with each word. She blinked hard, sure she must be seeing things, but nothing changed, even when she shut the book and opened it up again.

Each horrible, degrading word Rachel had written about herself was gone, and in their place were nice words. Kind words. Words she would never have written there herself, but by the writing, she could guess who had. She skipped to the one of herself and Finn, seeing the words 'not enough' gone, replaced with one word. Perfect.


End file.
